Category: Joke Board
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door...nose height is preferred.
My Dear Cats and dog,
The dishes with the paw prints on them are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print
in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish...nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run...and I weigh a hell of a lot more as well!
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. I will not continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
pets can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep...try it! It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having your tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but manipulation.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you in there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door through which I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine and/or feline supervision is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, THEN go eat or smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
Now, in order to pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets:
1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, YOU stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Finally, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drugged-up friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink alcohol.
8. Don't whine at me to buy them the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear my clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college; and, as an added benefit...
11. If they get pregnant, I can sell their children!
__________ NOD32 1914 (20061211) Information __________
This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system.
http://www.eset.com
That's good, thanks.
Bob
lol, i liked it, thank you
ehheheheheheheheh, Herbie? lmao!
heard this before a bunchof times.